HELP!? I Hate the Ring I’ve Been Given
Hey everyone!
I’m reaching out to this amazing community because I’m feeling a mix of emotions about my engagement ring — and I suspect I’m not alone in this. I know this is a place where we love to celebrate our unique styles and cherish the stories behind our rings, but let’s get real: What happens when the ring you received just isn’t what you expected or wanted?
I recently got engaged (YAY!) and my partner chose a beautiful ring… on the surface. But after wearing it for a few weeks, I can’t shake the feeling that it just isn’t me. The cut, the setting, even the color of the stone feels off. I’m torn between feeling grateful and desperately wanting something that reflects my true style.
The Dilemma
It raises some important questions: Should we communicate our preferences to our partners, or should we just be happy with what we’ve received? Is the ring a symbol of love, or is it also a reflection of personal taste? And speaking of taste, what constitutes a ring that feels “right”?
A Space for Sharing
I’d love to open up the floor for discussion. Have any of you felt this way about your engagement ring? Did you end up exchanging it? What’s the process like? How did you navigate those conversations with your partner? Alternatively, have you been over the moon with your ring, and what factors contributed to that?
Also, let’s turn this into a celebration too! Please share pics of your engagement rings — the good, the bad, the absolutely stunning! Maybe we can help one another identify what we love or hate in terms of gems, cuts, and settings.
Tips for Finding Your Dream Ring
While we’re here, how about sharing some useful advice? What do you think are key considerations when choosing or purchasing an engagement ring? For instance:
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Know Your Style: Classic, vintage, boho, modern? What styles resonate with you most?
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Research Cuts and Settings: Each cut has its own personality — whether it’s the classic round, the elegant princess, or the vintage cushion.
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Gems that Speak to You: Beyond diamonds, there are plenty of beautiful options like sapphires, emeralds, and even lab-created stones that can be as dazzling!
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Communicate with Your Partner: It might feel uncomfortable, but what if your partner could include you in this decision-making process?
Let’s Talk!
So, spill the tea! How do you feel about your engagement ring? Any regrets, or are you truly in love? Join the convo below, share pics, or reach out for advice. Let’s make this a space of understanding and support — where every story is welcomed, and every ring (and its story) is celebrated. 💍✨
Looking forward to hearing from you all! 💖
Don’t wear it, give it back. He’s a grown man and should listen to what makes you happy. Keeping this shows you settled
he doesn’t like you babe. dump him and this fugly ring and get away from him
LMAOOOOOOOOOO. The whole “no proposal, which is just our style.”
Nah, that is call lack of effort and motivation to make something as important as an engagement, where you’re literally asking someone to spend their life with you, special. I made the same excuse for my now ex, and I spent 12 lonely years in a relationship that echoed that lack of effort that he showed me. The same lack of effort that your “fiancé” is showing you. An engagement should be the peak of your relationship thus far, and instead, his lackluster proposal has you on reddit asking if you’re expecting too much to have a ring you actually like. PLEASEEEEEE learn from me. I spent 12 years with someone and never felt so lonely in my entire life. What he’s showing you, with his lack of motivation to make you happy, is just a harsh glimpse into your future.
If you’re fine with that because “it’s your style”, go for it. But just go into it knowing you deserve more.
That will ruin so many sweaters, etc
Wonder from where his mother got it.
Read between the lines. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t want you to have the protects of a legal marriage. Kick him to the streets.
Deep down, are you ACTUALLY happy to not be legally married? You’re behaving like a married couple, you brought up engagement rings, etc… it just looks like you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t want to be married because that’s what HE wants. You seriously wanted no proposal whatsoever?? What do you want, and why are you constantly settling for this shitty man?
You both are low key and that’s great! However – that’s no excuse to have low effort and not pay attention to the things you like and want.
Hugs…just so many hugs right now 🫂
I would not spend one more day with this man. You deserve so much more.
I’m so sorry about your baby. Is there someone out there besides your partner who can help take care of you right now while you grieve? I think you should talk to them about this situation and your relationship. It’s hard for everyone when you are in mourning, but I think you should use this time to reflect on if this sort of treatment by your partner – not listening to wants and needs, giving things that aren’t what was desired and then saying there should be no more conversation – is also what you want for your future children.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Personally, I see nothing but disrespect and I wouldn’t stand for that. It’s cool if you’re genuinely ok with no proposal but the man did the bare minimum. He asked you for ring ideas, you provided them, he ignored them in favor of spending zero dollars, and when you expressed that it’s important to you he told you to pound sand. This is a shut up ring.
Love yourself because this man…. does not.
You don’t have to be the cool girl, OP. Much of the tone of your post reads this way to me. You deserve someone that actually proposes to you. Someone who proposes to you with a ring they know you will LOVE. Someone who doesn’t just throw a ring at you without a conversation while you are grieving your CHILD. Holding onto to hope for you.💙
As everyone else on this thread has said. You need to see the red flags. I’d never in a million years allow myself to be treated the way you’re being treated.
Marriage has more benefits than love by the way. Don’t let a man water down marriage for you just because he’s bitter, clueless, and doesn’t respect you.
This man is not a protector. He’s not a provider. He’s not a partner. He’s barely acting like a man here.
This thread is right….
The ring is the least of your worries.
Baby I feel like you’re trying to convince yourself that this is the right person. He gave you a shut up ring and you’re not wrong to be questioning things. Please love yourself more than anyone else ever could.
That’s a “SHUT THE FUCK UP” RING if ive ever seen one. Please value yourself above this ring and set some standards for the man you’re dating. 5 years is too long to call a man your boyfriend at your big girl age.
He’s a person who makes things up, rings are just to show off, because he doesn’t want to be engaged or buy you one you want. I would never wear anything given by his mother, and in such a callous manner. As for him giving permission for you to go to the jewellers, really? You’ve just lost your baby and he’s behaving like that. I’d suggest that you pull back and heal, look after yourself and just put mummy’s ring in a drawer
OP don’t dismiss the he comments here as simply Reddit ‘leave him’ hysteria or people don’t understand your “style.”
It’s okay for people not to want to get married, not to like rings….etc. but only if you’re both on the exact same page.
If you’ve expressed that a ring is important to you. Or something you’d like to have. And he dismisses you -especially at such a vulnerable time, it’s not about style. This man is showing he doesn’t care. He doesn’t understand love. He doesn’t care about marriage, doesn’t care about rings, doesn’t care about your feelings….what exactly does he care about? Does he know how to care?
It’s ok growing old with someone when you’re not married, but grown old with someone who doesn’t care about anything? Yikes.
Also you asking for a ring from him tells me that you tell yourself this is your style too, but deep down inside you’re craving more. And it’s ok. A ring is not only to show off. A ring is a symbol, an outward / physical expression of a commitment or a feeling. And it doesn’t have to be a ring. Could be a cardboard box. But you asked him go a ring.
I say either really embody your ‘style’ and buy yourself your own ring – why ask for it from him if he didn’t care?
Or re-evaluate this relationship and whether this attitude is going to fly as life continues to happen. Loss, difficulties, financial ups and downs, success, joys… life is full of ups and downs. Is he going to be there to celebrate or stand by you as a real partner? If the answer is yes, great. But if the answer is “he’s a great person he just doesn’t…blah blah”. Leave him and find a partner who will.
Girl a ring these days can be done for all budgets. He should want you to get what you love. You should chat to him about trading this in. It’s wrong of him to be this way
You deserve a ring that brings you joy to look at, this is unacceptable. And I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry, but it’s hideous and doesn’t compliment your skin tone at all. This is the worst and least thoughtful shut up ring ever.
Frankly, be glad you’re not married to this douche
I lost my 25 year old son and I understand how hard the grief is for you. I at least had him for 25 years. Have you told him that it would mean more to you if you went together to pick out a ring and that you feel you have someone else’s leftovers?
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I would return his ring and move on. None of this is healthy.
I’m just sorry for you and your loss. Please listen to others who have been in similar situations and either seek professional help or leave.
It’s not about the ring. He doesn’t care about what you have to say. Is this for real?
I know you guys went through a tough time, and there are bigger things in life, but for your partner to basically say whatever, I gave you a ring, I don’t care that you hate it, shut up, and then the fact that you need his permission to even see if you could go see a jeweler, this is a huge red flag.
I’m sorry but this is about as low effort as it gets. My previous relationship i convinced myself i was cool not getting legally married simply because my partner didnt want to and I didnt want to leave. I got no proposal. We eloped in Thailand with no paperwork. Less than a year later it came out that he didnt want to spend the rest of his life with me. He was just trying to do the bare minimum because he felt obligated. Learn from my mistakes.
Oh honey. Hugs.
My parents marriage survived the loss of their son/my brother, but it changed them fundamentally and dramatically. But there was still love and that got them through.
This?! This does not sound like love babes. He’s being mean and cruel, honestly. What should have been a joyous moment was cold and thoughtless.
Hugs babes. You have some thinking to do. I support you.
I can’t believe what I just read 😣 OP I am so sure if you saw one of your close friends being treated this way, you’d see the red flags.
I’m so sorry for this difficult time you are facing.
The ring is the absolute least of the concerns here, lovely. I don’t think your partner is considering your feelings about a lot of things. Might be a good idea to talk to a professional to help understand it all better.
I’ve been in a shockingly similar situation. It’s tough. Please talk to a completely separate third party for some advice.
(Honestly it’s really lovely, and would make a beautiful heirloom piece to keep tucked away safe while you wear another as a daily piece)
Don’t waste another 5 years with this man.
#Condolences to you, I hope you are taking care of yourself. This doesn’t sound like a kind or loving partner. Is he truly “the one”? It seems like there are red flags all over the place but maybe you downplay them due to your vulnerable state? Be sure you even want a ring from him. Spend some time healing before committing to this next step to ensure you are seeing and thinking clearly. Tell him to hold on to that ring in case his mother wants it back. If you don’t like it or love it, don’t accept it. I’d rather have no ring than be given any kind of ring, especially one I don’t like.
#On another note — how is he handling the loss? Is he usually this way towards you or is this what grief looks like for him?
He’s not a “partner”. He doesn’t respect or seem to even like you. What are you doing with your life? Because he’s a waste of it.
Nah. Walk away. Yuck. He may not understand why a ring but he should understand it means something to you and that means it should be important to him because of you. Now he shows you what he thinks of you. When someone shows you their truth believe them.
Nuh unh!
Zero respect, zero consideration 🚩🚩🚩
🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ruuuuuuunnnn, don’t walk away!!
And that’s a highly embarrassing ring btw.
So sorry for your loss.
Uh, is your partner showing up / being a good partner in ways not mentioned here? Because this behavior seems pretty awful – even if you *hadn’t* just been through a loss!
Personally I like the ring, but not as an engagement ring. And definitely not as a “shut up” ring. He should care enough to get you something *you* like – a symbol of his love & respect for you as a partner.
Girl, this isn’t about the ring. He literally gave you a “shut up” ring and guilted you for not grieving the right way? I’m so so sorry for your loss, but please, don’t accept this ring or this partner.
He supposedly had this ring for a year and this is how he “proposes”; while you’re on bed rest and also dismisses any discussion on how this ring isn’t your style? Are you goddamn kidding me? You deserve so much better. My parents lost a child, different situation, but I know grief can bring out someone’s ugly side. That doesn’t excuse what he did. What would you tell a friend who was going through this? What about a future child who was facing this situation — would you want them to just accept it? Is this the kind of love you’d wish for them?
If he doesn’t care, then do whatever you want. Buy yourself a ring you like, and you can accept the one he gave you, but you don’t have to wear it.