Sad About My Engagement: A Nuanced Look at Our Journey
Hey everyone,
I wanted to share a post that’s been weighing on my heart lately in the hopes of sparking some discussion and perhaps shedding light on feelings that may be more common than we’d like to admit. As we all know, this community is a vibrant space to showcase our engagement rings, celebrate love, and discuss the beautiful elements of our jewelry. But today, I find myself reflecting on the bittersweet nature of my engagement.
The Ring: A Symbol of Commitment
First, let me show you my engagement ring—a stunning cushion-cut diamond set in a delicate halo of smaller stones. It’s truly a mark of love and a promise for the future. Here’s a picture for you all to admire!
Insert photo of engagement ring here
The ring itself is beautiful, but it carries so much more weight than just its appearance. It encapsulates a moment, a promise, and a vision for a shared future. However, along with that beauty comes a complexity of emotions that can sometimes feel overwhelming.
A Feeling of Sadness
As joyful as engagement is supposed to be, I find myself grappling with sadness. It’s a strange feeling, especially in a community that largely celebrates this milestone. Perhaps others out there feel a similar sense of melancholy, whether it stems from unresolved issues in the relationship, the pressure of planning a wedding, or just the fear of the unknown.
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Expectations vs. Reality: Society and social media often paint engagements as a blissful time filled with joy and excitement. However, real life can be complicated. The expectations can sometimes overshadow the genuine emotions we experience.
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The Pressure of Perfection: There’s also a lot of pressure to present our engagements as perfect. We see gorgeous ring selfies and happy couple photos, which can make it challenging to discuss the more difficult aspects of this journey.
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Navigating Change: An engagement signifies a significant change in our lives. Even if it’s a positive step, it often comes with uncertainty. The transition can bring up a lot of feelings, including fear and sadness, that are totally normal yet rarely discussed.
A Call for Discussion
I invite you all to share your own experiences. Have you ever felt sadness during what was supposed to be a joyous occasion? What were the factors that contributed to those feelings?
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Past Engagements: If you have been engaged before, did you experience any unexpected emotions?
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Future Purchases: For those currently in the engagement ring shopping phase, are you feeling nervous about the decision? How do you manage any pressure or expectations you may have?
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Gems and Cuts with Meaning: Let’s discuss how the gems and settings of our rings often reflect our personalities and stories. What does your ring say about you, and has that meaning evolved?
Finding Community and Support
I genuinely believe that sharing our true emotions will help us connect more authentically. While engagement is a celebration, it can also be a time of introspection. Let’s create a space where we can both show off our stunning rings and openly discuss the feelings—both joyful and bittersweet—that accompany them.
Looking forward to hearing your stories and insights! 🌟
Much love,
[Your Username]
I’m so sorry. Don’t feel bad enjoying the things that bring you some joy in difficult times, you need to embrace that joy whenever/wherever you can find it. The simple things keep us in reality. Again, I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁
Oh my, please feel all the joy you can in every moment you have left. You completely deserve it and so does he, to see this makes you happy. This is a beautiful ring and deserves to be appreciated, much like the love you two have shared and will continue to. Sending hugs,
I don’t think you should feel guilty. It’s something you chose together and you’ll have that memory. I’m so sorry. It’s beautiful.
I’m so so sorry my dear. I wish I had more light than a few kind words but all I have is kind words.
In sickness and in health, for better or worse. You and your partner are the embodiment of those vows. You’ve had 12 years together and a deep supportive love that some people never find in their whole lives. Losing such a love is excruciating, but what a beautiful thing to have had for as long as it was here.
I hope you’re surrounded by so much love and support and that your wedding day has plenty of joy alongside the sorrow. Cherish those joyful moments.
I hope that nothing but love and happiness find you in the future ❤️
I am sorry for what you, your fiancé, and anyone else is going through during this time.
Your ring is beautiful and while it can feel almost wrong to show it off, I hope you can find peace at how you cherish the time you have – no matter how long it is. 🤗
Treasure this hard and special time together ❤️ sending love and light to you both.
Nothing says you can’t use your engagement ring as a wedding ring too.
As sad as the situation is, that ring still symbolizes love and lots of happiness between you ❤️
I lost my boyfriend to cancer a few years ago, I sadly know a little of what you’re going through.
My suggestion? Don’t pay attention too closely to “the time that is left” because you really never know how much there might be. He used to always say “Why wouldn’t I do _____ tomorrow? We could both die right now in a car accident. I’m going to live while I have the chance” and it really stuck with me. We did lots of the things we wanted to do. I know it’s so hard… but enjoy every moment you have.
Oooof this was tough to read. Sending you peace girl. 💜
I chose the exact same beautiful ring as you, hearing your story breaking my heart as well. Sending all of my love and support to you.
It’s a terrible time you both are going through. And so very scary. I’m sure you will already be doing this, but live the future days to their fullest. You’ve had 12 years together which is huge and hopefully you will get more from a miracle happening. In the years to come, that ring will be a constant reminder of what you have had together and hopefully with that miracle, what you still enjoy together.
If I may be so bold, I’d recommend that you do both get wedding bands. In the future when your husband has passed, I think there might be some comfort to be found in having them. Your marriage may end up being cut short but you’ll never stop being his wife.
I’m so sorry for what you and your fiance are going through. Nobody should have to feel such pain in what should be a joyful moment.
I just wanted to chime in—a lot of people are saying it’s okay to enjoy your engagement ring despite your hardship, and that’s 100% true. Whatever brings you happiness right now is a good thing.
But it’s also completely normal and okay to have mixed or difficult feelings towards your ring, especially right now. If it makes you sad or angry because it makes you think of what this moment should have been like for you, that’s absolutely fine. The gratitude and love towards it can come later, but if you’re struggling to enjoy your ring right now, please don’t feel guilty or ungrateful because of that. An engagement ring represents a lot, and your situation is much more complicated than most. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the grief that it’s totally natural for you to feel right now.
I am so sorry to hear about your fiancé being sick, but I don’t think it’s materialistic at all to be excited about that (gorgeous!) ring on your finger- it could be from a Cracker Jack box and you would still be just as thrilled because of what it signifies to you.
Listen, life is hard and it’s being especially hard on you right now. Find the joy in whatever you can, whenever you can, and hang onto it. Sending love to you both.
I’m so sorry! I don’t know either of you, but will be lifting you both up in prayer!🙏🏻
(It IS a beautiful ring from your love!)
How would your partner want you to be? I’m guessing happy and ,even,excited. You are staying with him through the hard part. Give yourself grace. Congratulations on having such a strong relationship that it has endured so much and I’m terribly sorry that you have to go through this. Love him everyday.
Your ring is beautiful. I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé’s diagnosis.
I’m so sorry girl!! Prayers for yall! It’s okay to still be excited about your ring! It’s a part of y’all’s story and marriage!
I’m so so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. But please, don’t feel guilty about enjoying every moment you have with him. Don’t be guilty about enjoying your engagement ring- it’s beautiful and you had the joy of picking it out together. Be happy in his presence. Life is precious, especially when time is limited. And the fact that he wants one of his last things on this earth to be becoming your husband is truly beautiful.
Oh honey, I am so so very sorry.
Get wedding rings. When the time comes, let him take yours with him on his journey and you keep his to take with you on yours. This way you are both still together symbolically.
Big big hugs, friend.
Oh this hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find the peace you need – this ring is beautiful and he clearly loves you! What a kind thing, to still want you to have your ring and a sweet moment even while he’s in pain. I’ll be sending you all the positive healing vibes 💗
Hang in there ❤️ sometimes people can live with stage 4 for years. If it would comfort you, the poet Andrea Gibson just died after a years long stage 4 battle. They wrote beautifully about love and death and I think their pieces may comfort you
Woof, what a huge amount of grief to be dealing with right now. Grief for the special engagement you didn’t experience. Grief for a wedding that feels like a celebration. Grief for the long marriage you expected. The anticipatory grief of losing a partner. All of that on top of the stress of managing complex medical issues and trying to enjoy the time you still have together. That’s *a lot*.
Right now, there is no silly. There is no right or wrong way to respond to this emotionally. What feels comforting or meaningful to you both is exactly what you should do or seek.
Sending you joy for the special moment formalizing your love. Sending you joy for having a love worth grieving. Sending you strength, because it’s not your job to be strong right now—it’s your community’s job to be strong for you and your husband.
Maybe getting a wedding band and making the ceremony as special as possible (nice clothes, cake, friends, pics) will help his mood.
I’m so sorry that you’re facing this massive loss 🙏🏻🙏🏻
OP, I know someone that went through something like this. Actually two people. My heart breaks for you. But I do know that both people that passed were over the moon to be able to do this one thing (albeit, big thing), to marry the love of their life. The smiles on their faces were worth it.
One couple I knew the woman was passing and one couple, the man was passing (he’d been my friend since elementary school, colon cancer at 23 – everyone should get checked sooner rather than later!). There are some amazing support groups out there.
I will say this, be sure to do things like this – post the pictures, be excited! It’s exactly what your partner wants…they wanted to spend their lives with you and now they are spending what time they have left with you. If you blow off little things that would have been exciting without the diagnosis, it hurts your partner and makes it feel less for them in many ways. So be sure to keep the energy up, take the cheesy, smoochy pics (even in a hospital bed), enjoy every moment and try to make it feel as normal as possible – my friend Evan told me that bc his fiancée treated it like it was any other wedding, it gave him some of his dignity back and definitely helped him stay strong for her…even when we was ready.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, OP. You’re not alone. And by golly that is one GORGEOUS ring – check out my old post (I’ll have to link it) if you want a good chuckle.
Edit: [here’s the link](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustEngaged/s/JzXACvGYIV) 😂
I hope that at some point in the future you can look at that ring and think of how much you love him, and how he loved you. It’s beautiful, as I’m sure the time you’ve spent together has been. I’m so sorry
First, I am so sorry for what you are going through and facing. That is so incredibly difficult.
Second, you deserve to embrace your love together the same as any couple who expects to be together for many many years. Share your ring. Share your joy. Get the wedding bands. Enjoy as much of getting married as you possibly can. These are memories for you to hold down the road, to warm you and remind you. Don’t sell yourselves short on happiness because it will not last forever – you deserve so much more.
Im so sorry, so terribly sorry.
I just diagnosed with cancer myself and I can understand some of what youre going through. Life is so tough. Its okay to cry and be upset/sad. My heart is breaking for you.
That’s so sad:( something to think about though, depending where you are getting married can also transfer certain types of debt.
My condolences. But I think gathering “marriage memorabilia” will actually mean so much in the future. ❤️
Wow…what a 1/2 and 1/2 post. There are no words. There just are not. But you will be making some spectacular memories. And you can make them with purpose and mindfulness now. You ring is gorgeous…it’s perfection in a round…and it’s beautiful. I love how the two bands are entwined and go on forever. That’s what I imagine your love must be like…and will be like for all time. Because that’s something that not even God has the power to change…your love for one another is a bond that’s special to both of you and no matter what happens, it will never change, it will never diminish and likely, it will only get stronger. Be there for him. Be his comfort and his rock and you might be suprised that he will be able to be yours. Do all the things that you want to…don’t let a time frame dictate anything…because who knows..thanks for you post…and your ring is just beautiful!
I lost my mom to cancer to 2016. I’m sorry doesnt seem like enough to say but I’m just so sorry. One thing I learned since then is that happiness and sadness live together in harmony. You can’t have one without the other. Don’t push sadness down or run from it. It’s impossible. As hard as it is, you just walk through the wave. And when there’s a bit of sunshine that shines through the waves, allow it to brighten your face. You can’t hold tightly onto happiness because just like sadness, it doesn’t last forever. There are just as many stressors in the world as there are little joys. Just walk thru it with hope. There’s always hope. I apologize if I make it sound easy too, I’m still working thru it but there is always hope
Your ring is beautiful. I’m sorry your fiancé is so ill. Buy a pretty dress and get a bouquet for your wedding at the courthouse. You can and should celebrate the relationship and life you two have had together over the years and the time you still have together
Hey, you can still be happy about what the ring represents- his love for you and your beautiful union together. Same goes for the wedding ring- it may not seem like it matters now, but if it’s not out of your budget, getting nice wedding rings might be a memento you treasure years from now, and one he can keep forever. Just my two cents. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ❤️
Remember you’re giving someone such a big memory before their final days, a sense of pride about a ring in a time that can be so tough.
I’m so sorry to hear this. If it’s any solace, I have stage 4 cancer myself, and I’m still here 7.5 years after my diagnosis. Please try not to focus on what you and your partner won’t have, and instead focus on the memories you can build together as a married couple. You have every right to be excited about your beautiful ring! You’re marrying the love of your life after all! Don’t let something stupid like cancer rip away the happiness you’re still able to achieve. Good luck to your partner, please feel free to reach out privately if you’d like, I doubt we have the same type of cancer (I have stage 4 breast cancer), but I may still be able to answer some questions for you! Congrats on your engagement!
I went through a similar experience. My partner was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer and wanted to propose. We had not been ring shopping and that was something that I wanted to do when he got out of the hospital and felt a little better. However, he did not make it out of the hospital and we never had that moment. I wish that we did.
I’m very sorry to hear what you’re going through and wish you strength as you both go through this together.
Oh sweet woman, I am praying for you and your fiance.
It’s not “just a thing”, it’s love. It’s a symbol of him giving you something you love and look at every day. It’s his love on your hand for you to feel every time you get a little lost. The ring means what you want or need it to mean. It’s not just something that sparkles. It’s him.
I’m sorry you are both going through this, but that ring was a joyful thing that you picked out together before you knew what was coming. When it represented the years of love that he wanted to give to you. It still represents that. And I’m sure he felt joy at buying it for you, and at the thought of it making you happy. Wear it proudly around him, I bet it makes him smile even thought it’s also horribly sad.
None of us truly get forever in this life, and your time will be shorter than you had hoped for. All great love stories always are, I think. It’s not fair. I’m so sorry for you both, OP, and I wish so much strength for you as you move through this.
I’m so sorry, OP, what a difficult time for both of you. Don’t feel guilty for enjoying the small or ‘materialistic’ things, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t grateful for the other things or that they should be insignificant.
In fact, soak it ALL in.
I am so sorry! I was widowed unexpectedly at 36(he was 38). It is so very sad and tragic! Try and enjoy your ring. Make sure you get dressed up, and make the wedding day as beautiful as you would have wanted your wedding within the time you have. I do not know what is “easier,” knowing or not. Remember to keep doing the little things and living. I would start therapy as soon as possible, if you are not already going. I am sorry! Your ring really is beautiful! Try and be happy! He gave it to you, because YOU, are who he wants, and needs now more than ever.♥️
You’re already married sweetheart, it just isnt on paper yet. 💜 enjoy every stinking moment with him and be blissfully married. You both deserve it. In the end, you will have given him the best thing….love
As someone with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, that ring and getting married isn’t just about the transfer of assets. He was waiting for the perfect time – but when he found out – right then in the kitchen WAS the perfect time. I know my husband had a difficult time processing the loss from his perspective, but he found a support group. They’ve helped him focus on holding back his grief until I’m gone. Getting all your ducks in a row isn’t always easy, but celebrate each day. After the courthouse, invite friends to a local park – maybe ask the person who would have been your MOH in a perfect world, to decorate a picnic table and order a cake! Go find an off the rack dress. Don’t be afraid to show your ring. Be excited and focus on the moment.
My husband has pushed me to do fun things even when I don’t feel like it – and I usually do have fun. Make the time he has left the best days. 🫶🏻
The things I learned through anticipation grief (long story, had to face the inevitability of outliving my child):
1. We are infinite souls tethered to finite bodies for this time on Earth.
2. The book Journey of Souls by Michael Newton PhD is a great comfort that does not (for me) conflict with any existing religion. It talks about the life between lives that people purportedly remember under hypnosis.
3. My loved one’s soul is who she is at the innermost core. When her body expires, her soul passes on to a place humans cannot often perceive. But she will be ok. Therefore, I will be ok.
Editing to add: It happens before you are ready. Go get married tomorrow. Get the license. Have a friend get ordained online or find someone who is available asap to witness your vows and sign the license. With an expected hospice death there is a final burst of energy that occurs 48 hours before the end. He’ll be able to talk and move more for a short time. People are often given false hope of a miracle at that point, even when they are told about it. This is part of the natural process.
May you have strength. May you have peace. May you be loved.