“I Hate My Engagement Ring”: The Complex Feelings Behind a Symbol of Love
Engagement rings are often seen as the ultimate symbol of love and commitment. They encapsulate promises and dreams for the future, all wrapped up in a shiny package. But what happens when that beautiful piece of jewelry becomes a source of regret?
Welcome to our community space where you can show off your engagement rings, share your stories, and delve into the complex emotions tied to these significant pieces of jewelry. Today, we’re opening the floor to a sensitive topic: “I hate my engagement ring.” Before you roll your eyes or dismiss this sentiment, hear us out.
The Pressure to Love Your Ring
When engaged, there’s often immense pressure to feel ecstatic about your ring. It’s not just a piece of jewelry; it’s a status symbol, a representation of your partner’s love and effort. But what if your personal taste doesn’t align with the ring your partner chose? Or perhaps, after some reflection, you find that the design doesn’t resonate with your style or personality.
Many factors contribute to the complicated emotions surrounding engagement rings. Maybe the ring features a diamond that reflects societal norms rather than your individuality. What was once seen as the “dream ring” may now feel like a weighty burden.
Reasons for Discontent
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Mismatch in Personal Taste: Perhaps your fiancé surprised you with a stone or cut you didn’t expect. It’s quite common for preferences to shift, and what initially felt perfect can later feel mismatched.
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Quality vs. Sentiment: You might struggle with the quality of the gem or the craftsmanship. If this doesn’t align with your expectations, it can create resentment.
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Emotional Weight: The pressure to be excited about the ring can lead to guilt. If you feel the need to hide your true feelings, it can add a layer of emotional complexity to your engagement experience.
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Social Comparisons: With social media showcasing dazzling rings, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Your ring doesn’t sparkle like your best friend’s, and suddenly what felt unique becomes “just okay.”
An Open Discussion: Sharing Experiences
Let’s bring this conversation to the forefront. If you’ve ever felt conflicted about your ring, we invite you to share your story here. Post a picture of your engagement ring and tell us:
- What initially drew you to it?
- What aspects of the ring do you love?
- What aspects do you dislike, and why?
- How have you navigated these feelings with your partner?
Your experiences may help others feel understood and less alone in their journey. Remember, it’s okay to feel mixed emotions about something that carries both personal and societal significance.
Learning From Each Other
In this friendly community, we not only share our grievances but also our knowledge. We can explore the nuances of gemstones, cuts, and settings. Perhaps you’re considering a reset or a redesign? Or maybe you’d like suggestions on alternative styles that reflect your vibe more accurately.
Celebrate Authenticity
Ultimately, engagement rings should symbolize two things: love and authenticity. Whether your ring is classically elegant, uniquely quirky, or anything in between, it should resonate with who you are.
Let’s open the conversation. We want to hear from you! Share your photos and stories, and feel free to discuss adjustments, restyling, or even your future ring dreams.
Together, we can create a space that values honesty and encourages authenticity—because every ring tells a story, and every story deserves to be heard.
Will you join the conversation? Let’s embrace this complex topic and support one another in finding our own versions of happiness, whether that’s with our engagement rings or beyond!💍✨
I have an idea. If he put work into designing it, he obviously likes it. Could it be resized and made into *his* engagement ring, and you could get something you really like instead?
I understand he worked hard to design this, however, it doesn’t seem like he designed it for you. I would kindly explain to him that this ring will not work for you. Especially the fact that you both financed it… you have every right to say “this is a beautiful ring, but it’s not my engagement ring.”
Of course everyone’s right about talking to him but I also understand you’re in a strange situation. Of course ppl are right to communicate but it’s awkward. Do you like it as a right hand ring/does it fit comfortably there (mine are the same size)? Can you not wear any jewelry to work or can you wear it on a ring holder necklace/ would that look cool?
It also seems strange that this was a 2-year process. He spent a YEAR designing that? And then waited a YEAR to give it to you? Is there a good reason for that?
Maybe one day wear it on your other hand and get something you like more? Or do that now , and just wear an inexpensive band on your ring finger once you are married.
Honestly I don’t hate it but I think it requires someone to have a very specific taste to LOVE it.
Melt it down and start over. If you put money into the ring, you have a say in what it should look like. And, because you are the one wearing it every day, that entitles you to an opinion too. Communicate!
If you can afford to – buy your own dream ring.
Yes this looks like a man’s ring. If you don’t want to be stuck with it you need to talk to him. He’s going to be your husband why can’t you be honest about the ring?
First off, I am sorry you are disappointed. It’s obvious how much this is weighing on you, I think in part because you love your fiance so much and don’t want to hurt his feelings.
It’s hard having conversations like these with a loved one BUT the fact that it is difficult does not mean you shouldn’t.
I think you should prepare yourself to how your fiance is going to react so that when he gets emotional or defensive or disappointed you can think back to the fact you knew his initial reaction would be that, and he would take time to process and it would be ok. How he may respond doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the conversation though – it’s more mentally preparing for his response.
Think what your ideal solution would be BEFORE the conversation as there are loads of options. You dont want to be caught in a situation where he suggests a solution and you agree because you feel bad and are trying to placate his feelings and the solution kinda sorta makes you feel better but isn’t ideal. This is not a compromise. It is your hand and your ring, and he should (with time and perspective) put ego aside and work with you.
Options:
– keep this as right hand ring and design the wedding band of your dreams (maybe with a solitaire to be an engagement/ wedding ring)
– keep this as a right hand ring and buy a new wedding and engagement set . Moissanite is great option (head to the sub reddit if you need advice) since this ring may have exhausted budget
– redesign the ring in your style (maybe take the ruby out and use as center stone in a new piece and put a different stone in this ring to wear on right hand)
– Maybe you’d like to use this ring at the ceremony day to make him happy, even if you get a new set or a killer wedding band.
-think about how you feel about his effort and SPEAK it – you love that he put so much time and effort into this ring and you are really wished it made your heart sing to wear it , you are so so worried about his feelings but need to be honest because you don’t want to start a marriage like this and you need to be able to talk about hard things.
Things to think about communicating
The last piece of advise I have is to be open and communicate what you want and need in your relationship, too many women just swallow their feelings and then are upset when their partner can’t mind read and it ends up being frustrating for both partners.
If it has been a year it will likely continue to bother you. This is great practice for working through uncomfortable topics, which will only continue to pop up as you get married and throughout your life. Some comments have suggestions for reworks that may suit your style a little more that may be helpful, but ultimately if it is bringing you to tears you should let him know. Clearly you both care about each other a lot, and if you raise it in a calm manner I’m sure you can find the best solution together! Good luck!
Get fully insured, “loose it”, then make a claim that it’s lost & you’ll get 💰back & you can show/pick out with one you do like.
I can’t really tell but it looks like gold w/no stone right? One can always be added. Or you it could be your wedding band.
Some men just don’t have a clue which comes first or what a potential fiancé might want unless you show him pics of designs you like. Like -Make a Pinterest page for favs to share down the road.
Either he just doesn’t have the $ right now or he has no clue what he’s doing.
That’s a ton of gold, I wonder if another jeweler could melt it down into a style you’d like and set the stone differently? Not sure on cost
I’m so sorry. The jeweler did you dirty imo. I’d just go buy what I wanted and switch that to a right hand ring. It’s a weird tradition the bride to be not picking out her ring that’s supposed to be wearing for years and years. My hubby proposed with no ring so I could choose. Good luck
I would bring it up. And would keep the ring, wear it on a different finger or on your other ring finger.
“(Name), I absolutely love the attention and effort you put into my ring. Now that I’ve had it on for a while, I think my style is a little more traditional with engagement rings. I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate it- because I genuinely do. I love us and the future we’re building. I just want the ring I wear every day to reflect my style, but the one you made will still be meaningful to me because it’s so special and personal. Are you open to me wearing this one on my right ring finger, and we look for a more traditional ring for my left ring finger?”
idk how that comes across but it’s something i came up with on the fly. I would just be very clear you appreciate the time he took to design it himself.
“I love you so much, and I’m so grateful for how much time and effort you put into this, but it’s not my style at all”
It’s a beautiful ring, but I’d be unhappy too.
It’s a beautifully colored ruby that unfortunately isn’t getting to sparkle because of the deep bezel setting and thick band — it makes it look dull. With the amount of gold in the existing ring, you would probably be able to reset the ruby into a traditional prong setting with a thinner band and then have a gold wedding band made — maybe something like this? Or have small diamonds fitted around the stone or on the band as some have suggested.
I would just sit down with your fiancé and be honest — you like the ruby but the style just doesn’t fit what you like, and this is something you’re going to (hopefully) wear the rest of your life. Go to a new jeweler and have it reset into a design that you love.
https://preview.redd.it/dj47raz4bu1g1.jpeg?width=1708&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=81ec941ebbbc02fec57d040507582fdc8620286d
Also, I’m wondering how he went so off-base from your desires. Also, why are you paying for your own ring?
You HAVE to tell him.
Hi! This is such a difficult situation and I totally feel for you. I understand that you are not being ungrateful at all
and you appreciate the thought he put into it. I think you will have to tell him as hard as it is. Is there any part of the ring that you like that could be redesigned? Is the stone one that you like? Maybe you can salvage part of it?
I would first talk to my partner!!! First and foremost! How can HE expect to know whether you like it or not unless told!! If you both love each other then you must already have some sort of communication going so keep it going!!! Tell him how you feel! A man who puts that much time and energy into something for you sounds like a reasonable man to me! Maybe, maybe not I don’t know. I do know for me communication and honesty I can not have a relationship without!!!! Especially aa marriage
Definitely talk to your fiance about it. You can easily remake this ring into something you love! For example, I’ve seen bands thinner w even more intricate designs engraved, so I’m sure it can be done w yours! I think he should be able to understand that you are looking for a more “dainty” “feminine” “insert other adjective that he will understand” ring setting. Men tend to be visual, so maybe have picture references. I think if you can keep some aspects of the ring that you do like, that will help him feel better about not getting the ring quite right. If there isn’t anything you would like to incorporate in a new ring, you’re both going to feel bad but I think if you guys agreed to get married then you should be able to communicate and work through this together, so don’t worry you guys will come up w a solution together! This is a very important conversation to have and I wish you the best of luck!
You should speak up – it’s going to be on your hand for the rest of your life and you should love it. Hugs.
I am really sorry you are going through this, and I completely understand how you feel. An engagement ring is something you want to feel proud of and happy to wear every day, and when it does not feel like your style, it can be upsetting. That does not make you ungrateful. It makes you honest with yourself.
Your fiance put a lot of love into the process, and that part is beautiful, but it also sounds like he created something that reflected his taste and his excitement more than yours. That happens, and it does not mean anyone did anything wrong.
You can appreciate the meaning behind the ring and still explain that the design does not feel right for you. Those two things can both be true. Speaking up with care is not mean or hurtful. It is respectful to both of you.
You might be able to go back to the jeweler and redesign the ring using the same gold and the same gemstone. Many people do this. It keeps the original materials and the emotional meaning, but the final ring becomes something you can actually enjoy wearing every day. There may be a small cost to adjust the design, but that is better than feeling unhappy every time you look at it.
You deserve a ring that feels like you, and he deserves the chance to give you something that truly suits you. Honest communication delivered gently is the best way forward.
If you can’t even say something about something as small as this to him, then should you be getting married? Say something so that whatever can be done will be done.
Im sorry. This is why my fiance wanted me to pick. Its frustrating and I think you should be honest with him.
It’s a very unisex design I’d say. I don’t like the fact that he designed it based on what *he* liked and not what you would like or want. I’d bring it up to him for sure. This is a very special piece of jewelry and the goal should be making *you* happy, not himself.
Also, did you tell him you wanted a ruby and that cut? If so just say that you want it reset.
If your $ assisted I would not have any hesitation in saying that you want a redo, period.
You talk to him this isn’t a big conversation. but if you cannot have this little conversation you are not ready for the conversations you will have to have over the course of marriage. They will be hard conversations. A ring that you wear every day you want to love it’s an easy conversation
I don’t think you will change your mind, especially looking at it every single day. You do need to speak with him about this. My suggestion is to get it made a little bit bigger and give it to him as a pinky ring or a wedding ring for him.
Do you normally wear rings like this? Did you ever show him rings that you liked? Really odd of him to take initiative like that and create something far from your liking. In any case, I’d communicate how you’re feeling to him in a gentle manner.
You have to tell him or it will eat you alive. If i received a ring that thick i would ask to have it reset because i swell a lot and thick rings are uncomfortable for that reason. Idk if thats true for you too. Most people fluctuate swelling throughout the day.
It’s looks like a really nice ring for a man… would he want to wear this one? It seems like *maybe it’s more his preference?
*fixed typo I somehow missed the first 15x I read it over
The jeweler should have said something to him… unless it was a man – I can see a man doing this.
If I gave my partner a gift that I spent time and money on, and he didn’t like it, I would rather know and do something about.
Your fiancé was adamant towards designing it bespoke to his own standards and not yours?
I think some men place a disproportionate amount of importance into the surprise element of the ring. I think it’s because it’s drilled into their heads that it needs to be this grand reveal.
I assume that’s a ruby. I also wanted a ruby but I was very clear with my husband that I want control over the ring. He was bummed because I think a lot of men are raised with this expectation that a proposal is supposed to be this big surprise. Sometimes they need to be told point blank: I’m too picky for you to chance it. I’m going to wear this thing for the rest of my life, it’s very important that I not only like it, I LOVE IT.
I do think that you won’t be able to keep your thoughts a secret, and any attempt to do so will manifest as festering feelings and possibly even resentment. I’d recommend talking about it with your fiancé from a place of calm and when you think you can take on such an emotional conversation. I don’t see any way out of this I’d you don’t spill the beans.
That’s 100% a man’s ring, and it needs a man with a top coat and hat, or a vampire, to wear it. Please talk kindly to him, but talk to him.
What did your placeholder look like? Was it feminine and to your taste?
There’s so much going on here that’s wrong, and will continue forward into the marriage. The fact that you had to finance the ring without your input being considered is a huge red flag. You’re right, it does look like a man’s ring and you have every right to be upset about it. He may have put his heart and soul into it, but it was for him not for you. It’s hard to believe that a skilled and tactful jeweler “working with” a client for a year, as your fiance has claimed, would have come up with this as a bespoke ladies engagement ring.
I mean it’s pretty but clearly not your taste, if you can’t be open and honest about how you feel and he can’t be empathetic and listen to you, you might think about how that will surface in the future of your marriage.
I’m newly engaged too, and I was SO involved in my ring process, my fiancé didn’t know much about jewelry and I’m veryyy particular. I picked the center stone, my mom gifted us my 2 side stones and together we designed the ring, I approved the CAD and I haven’t taken it off since he gave it to me.
But it’s soo important to be able to share your feelings, it’s less about the ring (not diminishing your feelings) but more so about the fact that if you can’t share the hard truths now with him and he can’t listen and be understanding it’s going to be difficult when you’re married.
Hope this helps, congrats 🩷
The point of engagement is marriage. Marriage is about communication. Communication comes from being honest on how you feel. Be upfront with him on your feelings towards the ring, and see if there’s an option you both can agree to.
I feel like, if you are not happy with it, you should be honest, it’s going to stay on your hand for god knows how long!
Can’t really see the ring in the photo but if it brings you this much sadness I think it’s worth discussing
with your partner. Even if you can’t return to the original jeweler, another jeweler might be able to make adjustments that make you happier. You have the expensive parts already – the metal and the stone.