Surprise Proposal Gone Awry: A Ring Mishap and a Community Celebration!
Hey everyone!
I just had to share this wild experience I had with my boyfriend regarding my surprise proposal. Picture this: all set for that magical moment, and my boyfriend accidentally spilled the beans about my engagement ring before he could pop the question! And guess what? He also messed up the ring because it was a FINAL SALE, leaving us in quite the pickle!
The Story: A Twist of Fate
We had been talking about getting engaged for a while, and I thought he had the perfect surprise in mind. I was so excited, imagining the beautiful moment and the gorgeous ring I’d be wearing. However, during a casual conversation, he accidentally mentioned how he “can’t believe he got the ring on FINAL SALE.” Cue the facepalm!
To top it off, the ring was slightly imperfect, and he was torn between returning it or going through with it. This situation has made me think about how important communication and honesty are in relationships, especially when big decisions are on the line.
Join the Discussion: Ring Buying & Experiences
This led me to wonder: how have others navigated similar situations? Have you ever had a mix-up with an engagement ring? Perhaps a surprise that didn’t go as planned? I’d love to hear your stories!
Also, I’d love to open up a discussion about engagement ring purchases. Here are some questions to get the ball rolling:
- Ring Mistakes: Have you/your partner made any significant mistakes when ring shopping? What happened?
- Game Changer Discounts: How do you feel about buying rings on clearance or FINAL SALE? Have you found a hidden gem, or did it end up being a gamble?
- Show Off Your Rings: Let’s see your engagement rings! Share pictures of your rings, and tell us the story behind your choice. What do you love most about it?
Tips for Future Purchases
While I may have been on the receiving end of an unexpected ring mishap, I’ve learned some valuable lessons to share with you all:
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Do Your Research: Know your partner’s style and preferences. What cuts, metals, and stone settings resonate with them?
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Size Matters: Always, always check the ring size beforehand! Having a slightly larger ring is far better to resize than a small one.
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Be Mindful of Sales: FINAL SALE items can be tempting, but make sure you’re well-informed about the quality and return policies.
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Communication is Key: Discuss any expectations beforehand to avoid surprises (good or bad) at the moment of the proposal.
I can’t wait to hear your stories and see your rings! Let’s turn this mix-up into a fun and engaging discussion where we can all learn and celebrate the journeys to our forever moments.
🌟 Cheers! Can’t wait to chat! 🌟
I can’t help but have flashbacks of my now ex husband saying how much he spent on something and then it being nowhere near the amount. It’s really weird that he would blow the budget on something that is way different from what you wanted. This is also something my ex would do because it made him look better in his eyes.
Is he someone who will stick to a budget with you in the future? Financial problems often lead to divorce. I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy, but do your values align?
OP, what I’m concerned about here is that in your TLDR you say you want people to help YOU make HIM feel better about this situation. You did not screw up here, he spent too much money on something very different from what you asked for. This time it’s a ring, in the future is it the cool car he wanted instead of the roomy low mileage used car you need to haul around your kids?
You don’t need to manage his feelings about the consequences of his own actions. It’s okay for you to be disappointed and it’s okay for you to express that. You need to take up space here and ask him to make this better in some way. If you don’t take up space, why tells him to do better next time?
Think about what it’s going to feel like to look at a ring that tells you how little he cared about your opinion every day of your marriage.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Angara-Lab-Grown-Diamond-Engagement-Ring-Lab-Accents-14K-Yellow-Gold-Women-Size-6x4mm-0-65-ct-April-Birthstone-Jewelry-Her-Rings/7569574277
custom made?
Are we sure he spent double on the ring?
Moissanite stones are generally very affordable and I’m assuming the Pavé stones are also moissanite. The ring he chose was likely only a few hundred dollars. I’d think the emerald and yellow gold band would be around the same cost or slightly more than a moissanite stone.
I’d be more concerned with the fact he spent more than the agreed upon price limit and he didn’t listen to your specific wants. Picking rose gold over yellow gold is a pretty big ‘miss’. (I personally am a yellow gold girlie and can’t imagine trying to work rose gold into my stack).
You’re trying to down play your feelings by calling them ‘big’ to comfort him. Your feelings are very valid – he didn’t just mess up, this wasn’t an accident, he completely ignored your stated preferences and he blew the budget.
What I haven’t seen in the replies is how is he planning to make this up to you? Is he willing to sell the ring to buy your preferred option? Does he have a plan to buy the ring you want in a specific amount of time? This is a big moment and a piece of jewelry you’re supposed to wear for the rest of your life – you shouldn’t settle for anything less than what you want.
1) politely tell him that this isn’t the ring you expected. Tell him you appreciate his thoughts but would like to wear something else. No need to break a relationship just because of this. At least he knows he’s messed up, that’s a good sign.
2) Go to r/moissaniteBST, sell your ring for a little below the price you bought it. It’s a very classic design, so I think it would rather sell fast (unless your bf accidentally spend way too much money on an overpriced seller… The ring I think should be around ~$300/500 depending on the metal since gold is expensive right now
3) go to a jeweler together or give him the exact link of the ring you want. Some guys need to be told EXACTLY what to buy, down to the link and description.
Edit: BTW, you can get a green moissanite ring in an emerald cut as you showed above. Depending on the metal, 10k gold with a green moissanite emerald I think would cost about $300 now.
It took him 6 years to propose to you with a ring you didn’t even want? I would be reconsidering how much I wanted to even be in that relationship. It may seem harsh, but it takes seconds to pay attention to you enough to make a list of what you like.
“what he had custom made”
Girl. According to image search, this is a Walmart ring.
https://preview.redd.it/p2qbs3aya2wf1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=e71bef2745ab4b0df3ab3d0d925da684cb8e2af4
You don’t have to live with it. It’s something you’ll wear on your hand, and you’ll look at it every day for the rest of your life. You should love it; he should respect that. Sell it, or keep it and change out the stone for the emerald. Get the ring you want, hon.
Could you get an emerald cut Emerald and put in this setting? I bet it would be stunning. I know you are disappointed now, but this another option.
He has poor problem solving skills. Instead of looking for an alternative seller for an emerald gem he royally messed up what you asked for and for twice the price. This would piss me off to no end because it would make me question his common sense and logic and problem solving skills. Which would make me think I would be the one dealing with all of life’s issues and solving all the problems. Too much mental and emotional work
Your boyfriend took you to a jeweler to try on emerald rings with plain gold bands, were quoted a price that was half of your budget, and your boyfriend said it was too expensive. Now he’s claiming he spent double that amount on a ring with a clear stone and rose gold pave band. You’re trying to get over your “big feelings” and make *him* feel better.
The issue isn’t the ring. It’s that he intentionally went out and bought a non-refundable ring that’s the opposite of what you wanted in every single way. That’s not a mistake. It was a choice. It sounds like a test to see if you’ll swallow your feelings and accept what he’s chosen for you. There’s no way that getting every single detail wrong was an accident. My guess is that a moissonite ring didn’t cost double what an emerald ring in a plain gold band would either.
I’d ask to see the receipt so you can figure out how much you might be able to get in a resale. If you can get half of what he spent, you can get the emerald ring you want. If it’s less than half, choose a ring you do want with the money. If he refuses to show you the receipt or pushes back on you getting a ring you want then it’s not about the ring. It’s a power play. I’d think twice about marrying a man who has so little consideration for what you want. If he doesn’t care how you feel about the (relatively) little things, he’s not going to take your feelings into account for the big things either.
It seems like he knew what you wanted and then just got an emerald cut stone instead of an emerald. Weaponized incompetence is not a good thing so early in the relationship. It drives me insane when men are perfectly capable at their jobs but all of a sudden they are useless morons at home.
Perhaps suggest he wear it as his wedding ring! Presume it’s not to his taste either 🤷♀️
There are two issues to talk through before marriage:
Blowing the agreed upon budget. Is he financially savvy? You need to be on the same page money wise.
Why did he ignore what you wanted? It sounds like he found moissanite and chose it because that’s what he wanted, not you.
See if you can sell it on r/moissaniteBST
So the cool thing about proposals that we don’t talk about enough is you have the option to say no. Personally though, I would request that he didn’t propose at this point. It’s no longer a surprise, and it doesn’t feel like a good time. He’s blown twice the agreed budget on something he knew you wouldn’t like, I’d ask him to wait until he can make it right.
(I would reconsider emerald though and ask for a green sapphire for durability!)
Did you see where he got the ring from? Did you see how much he paid? If you did then okay but I’m thinking it’s also possible this could be actually really much cheaper and that’s why he did it. Just doesn’t make sense why he would do this
Are you sure you want to marry a guy that’s so incompetent he went that far over budget to buy you a ring that’s not even close to what you asked for? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
The fact he didn’t even select the right color for the band is a bit concerning.
If you were vocal about wanting plain gold band and he didn’t even get the right gold color you asked for, shows a great lack of effort or at least attention to detail for one of the most important questions of his life.
That mixed with the fact he spoiled the surprise proposal and robbed you both of a special shared moment doesn’t sit right with me either. A proposal is something meant to be so special and a core memory.
My suggestion would be to communicate your disappointment directly with him. Depending on how he reacts to your hoensty can give you an idea of how the rest of your lives together could be like.
If he uses guilt tripping to get you to accept his mistake without him awknoledging your hurt, he will do that forever and never take accountability for his shortcomings, which might not be healthy.
If he apologies, acknowledges your hurt & vows to make it right someday when finances are in his favor just to give you the ring you deserve, then it shows it was a genuine unfortunate misjudgement on his part & he wants to make it right
“I am grateful he has chosen to spend his life with me” girl you’re not a dog at the pound. This is the literal opposite of what you asked for. It’s worth a discussion about listening to your needs.
I hate how you’re trying to make your feelings smaller and less significant than his “guilt” over his stupid mistake that was completely preventable. You don’t have to decline the proposal but it’s absolutely OK to be devastated and feel validated in that.
Is he even trying to solve the problem? Offering solutions such as selling, promising you your dream ring in x amount of time, etc? Or is he just expecting you to deal with the fact that he flopped?
I think people are skipping over a big part.
You SHOWED him exactly what you wanted. You’re not asking for something flashy and extravagant.
Instead of getting something he knew you wanted, he didn’t even get something similar… he got something the polar opposite.
To me that speaks volumes to what he finds important. If he was worried the emerald was fake, he could have went to soooooo many different sites and stores to get what you wanted.
My partner would be devastated to get the wrong ring for me and would not hesitate to go buy the ring I wanted even if the previous ring was non refundable. As he has said before this ring is what is going to be in my hand for the rest of our lives and he would never want me to look at a ring that shows his thoughtlessness every time I look at my hand.
Honestly to me it sounds like he did it on purpose and if he didn’t it’s gross oversight on his part. Is this the first time he has disregarded or “accidentally” got something wrong that was important to you?
Sometimes it’s about the ring.
Most of the time, it’s not about the ring.
He blew the budget on something that wasn’t what you talked about.
Now, how do you talk to him about that?
These are two VERY important things that you must be able to address in your relationship. Be glad you’re learning to address them over a ring, not over something even bigger.
Good luck, friend.
If you hate it, sell it, and get what you want. And if this is the biggest mistake he makes in your life together, you’re very lucky. A problem that money can solve isn’t that big a problem. All the best to you both.
Ngl, my spouse flat out said if they didn’t like the ring, they were saying no. It would mean that I didn’t know them and their preferences, and you can’t get married without those things. I was a little nervous because I knew a general vibe they liked, and I do know them well, but also I completely respected that and their reasoning.
Thankfully, I knocked it out of the park, and even after offering to upgrade so many times, it’s always met with, “but I love THIS ring” 🙂
You gave this man exactly what you wanted…and he still got it wrong. Sorry OP, no excuse there
“I am greatful that he has chosen to spend his life with me” – what? No!
You are equal and that sentence oozes subservience. Please make sure you are getting what you need from this relationship as little problems during dating usually amplify after marriage.
My guess is he went in asking for an emerald cut not an emerald. Maybe sell this one? Or see if you can use it towards a trade in
How is he explaining it ? Did he confuse the emerald cut for the emerald gemstone?
girl this is horrible. he literally has no excuse for not getting you the ring you wanted ESPECIALLY after you went shopping together and were clear about your preferences. tbh this is a big deal; you shouldn’t have to settle for a ring you don’t like just because your boyfriend massively fucked up. if this happened to me i would try to sell the ring for the best price possible and have my bf actually listen to what i want